“Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time.”
Deborah Chaskin
Monday, March 31, 2008
13.51
a big breakthrough for me. i never believed i could make it. i even told someone that if she want to see me meet this timing of 13 minutes, she'll have to do it in her dreams. but yet i did it.
running napfa 2.4km made me really believe that pushing your limits can help me achieve more than i can. pushing myself beyond what i can do is a form of motivation for me.it's not that i didn't know this, but i didn't believe until i experienced it myself.
it's a matter of mindset. i haven't been seting the right mindset of "i can do it!". i never had truly believed in myself, in my own potential. i feel small when faced with opponents. i hate to face challenges. i believed that i cannot overcome my challenges.
i should learn to believe in my own potential. i never realised what i can do. the things that i can really do with my capabilities. people sometimes believed in me , yet i'm giving myself up.
just like my sit-ups. my mindset on the target 30. even if i can carry on, my mind just tells my body and myself that i cannot do so. and just like mr william tan had said during the talk he gave to us - it's the thoughts and mindset that pushes a person on to strive.
learning points:
pushing beyond limits brings me to higher heights
believein what you can do, anthing is achievable
never realised that just a napfa test can bring out learning points? lol. who knows, every experience can bring about learning points. =D
Swallowtail 7:56:00 PM
Monday, March 24, 2008
i'm always laughing at myself.
tell me, who still laughs when she had a bad fall, especially sliding from the living room down the corridor on your back, and colliding into a chair. and tell me, which person suffers a sprained neck after jumping standing broad jump? guess who's the cool klutz? yes, me. and i'm still laughing at myself, and wondering why all these klutzy things happen to me.
i guess, it talks about our life too, after big bad fall, laugh at why you experience it. take it as an unique experience that only belongs to you and you alone. it makes you unique, makes you feel special. don't take it too hard. laugh. laughter definitely is the best medicine. before you know it, the pain is gone. and no longer you will find the pain in your misery. you turn your misery into a strong deep impression on your life that you recall and smile about.
i should try that with my other experiences in life, turning misery into precious memories. but it doesn't mean we don't have to feel sad at all. we should experience all these emotions...bit by bit...savour them. turn them into my growing years, my growing journey, to a better person. =D
Swallowtail 10:33:00 PM
Thursday, March 13, 2008
give myself a pat that i persevered on through the econs e lecture. *pat. it was hair-pulling-nail-biting-lip-hurting session. i spent 3 hours and 36 min on it. woah. copying and trying to recall certain terms. inflation and unemployment. well done vpotatochip! well done hwee lin!
i was looking through my past blog entries. the anxieties i had in the best seem so insignificant to be spoken at all. my worries of not having good experience in aj and having second thoughts in choosing aj. i guess, sometimes, i learnt not to regret at all. i remember in the past, when i was young, i tend to regret over a lot of decisions i made (not that they were very IMPORTANT decisions anyway). somehow, i got over this barrier, very gradually.
how i got over this barrier (recalling my life again):
i learn to ponder carefully. sometimes, too carefully. from many experiences. i learn.
i also try not to whine too much of my life. i think i really didn't whine much about my life. i seem to have accepted the way it is, trying hard to create excitement and make it fulfilling, no matter what circumstances i am in. i try my very best. as i recall.
laughing
that's what i really recall of my recent years. the thing that i do the most - laughing. i believe it helps. it makes life less tedious. more relaxed. even if it's not funny. laugh. or at least smile. or even try talking or singing to yourself. at least you don't feel that lonely. you don't feel so depressed about your life. it sort of brings in light, sunshine and optimistism in what you do. at least it motivates you to live on in your dull and mundane life. worries seem less worrying. and you learn to let go easier.
don't you realise that people who laugh a lot seem less stressed up, happier, more carefree? i guess that's the key.
i believe that it is a plan of where i have to go. i let it come naturally. adopting the attitude of c'est la vie. if it's where i am supposed to go, i shall go.
but what is worrying me now is that i may really regret this time, if i don't do well for A levels. the first time in my life, i do not feel the least bit of confidence in doing well. i'm afraid i'll disappoint people. i understand i reap what i sow. i understand hard work pays. but sometimes i feel torn apart by too many commitments. and these commitments sometimes just cover up my studies. responsibilities and expectations weigh so heavily on my shoulders, yet i do not have time to clear these commitments. it seem to pile up even before i finished them up. time is slipping through my hand, like sand, but never coming back. never ever.
MAIN AIM:good time management.
learn to turn down things that i cannot do. learn to say 'NO'. i'm trying now. =D
Swallowtail 3:04:00 AM
Sunday, March 09, 2008
guess what, i'm back to my normal self again. the 13 dots in chinese. and i'm going to be back into the corrinne may and nathan hartono craze, pretty soon. i still find their songs very very nice and soothing. by the way, if you don't know at all who corrinne may is:
yup. that's her. the powerful voice and close-to-the-heart lyrics. i can't resist it.
ok. this is nathan hartono if you really don't know him. LOL. he's got a great voice. pretty good looking. and he's 17 now. and he has 2 albums now. he had his debut album when he was 15 and his own solo concert at the age of 16. WOW. that's quite an achievement isn't it? the main point, he sings jazz. cool. i doubt many people can do so. i have his first album. it was my birthday present anyway. quite a few nice songs. i listened to it repeatedly for a period of time. i think it was around my o levels. haha.
and, yes, i am going into this craze again. all thanks to qian hua, who sent me corrinne may's "little super hero girl" that "unleashed" the "urge" to listen to corrinne may AND nathan's hartono's songs. going to mass transfer to my phone. LOL. >.<
his concert at the Esplanade Living Room (Concourse)
Swallowtail 1:00:00 AM
Friday, March 07, 2008
i started observing people and analysing certain behaviours, including mine, every now and then. i'll recall my actions, the words and certain expressions that i may have and i realised, i have certain different behaviours, like the people i observed. the reason is very simple.
loneliness.
we are seeking attention from people and hope to receive certain care and concern from them. i do not deny that i am an attention seeker. and it explains many of my unusual behaviours. in fact, i didn't like my way of thinking and the way i express myself. somehow, there must be a way that i can vent out my "attention-seeking-ness" in me. i hope.
and i'm not the only one. many people i've seen and observed, from secondary school till now, have the same problem. in fact, the ones i observed are the ones whom are usually shunned by the majority. they have few or no friends at all. i wonder sometimes, whether is this really right? some of them are really ok people, yet they are seen as plague and shunned off at all cost. most of the time, people based on someone's comments to judge people for who they are and create a sense of prejudice and stereotype for the person. it just comes in unknowingly, subconsciously. bit by bit, drop by drop, one after another. before we know it, we already formed a painted image of the person before even understanding him or her well.
furthermore, people are driven by the social norms. realised that? sounds familiar? it's an inevitable, undeniable fact of the society. we all follow social norms don't we? we dislike been despise, being shunned and being ostracized. who likes that anyway. i'm guilty of that. but it's really sad to see it in school. isn't it? imagine you are one of them. how lonely will you feel. in fact, sadness, anxiety and worries starts to pile in. you won't know what others are talking about you behind your back, and the horrid names they sometimes call you. i don't know why. differences, i supposed. life is already tough enough, why must we make other's life even tougher? for entertainment in our dull lives, which we want to add excitement?
i guess, i am not the best person to talk about these people as i have not helped them at all. i feel sad for them sometimes. yet i'm one of those who does the horrid things to them too.
differences, make the world exciting, ever changing. yet, it brings about problems like this. when can we learn to make compromises? when can we learn to trust? when can we learn to accept or at least accomodate with some politeness? when can we realise that differences make the world beautiful, with different cultures and people, not to fill this world with resent, hate and bloodshed? when can we learn to empathise and sympathise and have the courage to do the right thing? it's difficult. with the society and people around you telling you what to do. it's never easy. if it was, the people now will not be suffering, both psycologically and physically.
sad fact hur. don't want to end up too badly? at least having some compassion? take some time out to observe people. hectic lifestyle make us lose all these. i'm working hard at this too. shall hold back before creating any stereotypes. shall learn to think through the comments. hear gossips, but take it with a pinch of salt. learn not to waver.
LEARNING POINTS for me:
THINK. your brain is there for you not to only absorb information, but to process it. do not accept info wholesale.
HAVE YOUR OWN POINT OF VIEW. do not let the society or people tell you what to do and how to see things. view it from your perspective before setting any conclusions.
WE SHOULD NOT JUDGE. we do this unknowingly. reflecting should help in stopping myself from doing so. i guess, should think of questions to stop myself.
Swallowtail 12:22:00 AM
AUTObiography
vpotatochip
age: start of 19 date: 30th Oct
identity 1: L or Lin identity 2: student-NTU
identity 3: ex-student- ajc and plmgs
what i need to be a better person
1) patience
2) open mind
3) learn
4) my own identity (in the midst of finding)