“Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time.”
Deborah Chaskin
Sunday, April 27, 2008
green eyed monster corrinne may
So you say life is unfair She's got everything you wanted And you're not even close To getting where you wish you could be You want to get the commendation Love and adulation But you're stuck here on your knees
Are you happy, green eyed monster Are you happy, with your place What's the use of being haunted Your story, for glory Is right there in your face So be glad You're an architect creation You're one of a kind Just stay on track Because every cross can be a blessing All the gifts that you've been given Close your eyes and listen To who you're meant to be
Are you happy, green eyed monster Are you happy, with your place What's the use of being haunted Your story, for glory Is right there in your face Dont feed the monster Wasting time comparing Lose yourself despairing I hear it Don't ya Hungry for our fight
Are you happy Are you happy, green eyed monster Are you happy, with your place What's the use of being haunted Your story, for glory Is right there in your face
Right there in your face Right there in your face...
ever feel the same way, finding that life is unfair, you are not receiving you should? guess everyone has, because we are all not saints. we feel the jealousy. and if we are unable to open up, the green eye monster will soon overcome us. we will see nothing but this monster right in front of us. no longer do we see beautiful things in our life. it's all green. i nearly went into that state. it was lucky that i managed to get rid of the monster. there's no use in comparing. no use in competing that much. we are unique individuals. we can never be the same. comparing just makes me lose what i want to be. losing my goals. hopefully, if i ever land in this situation again, i'll be able to see the light. not to succumb to the green eyed monster. =D
Swallowtail 6:22:00 PM
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Scars (Stronger For Life) Corrinne May
I just want to run Just want to hide away Close my eyes to your gaze Just want to leave Don't want to hear them say "You're no good at this"
When the world swirls with naysayers Broken wings and torn pages The road ahead Drowning in my tears
Chorus: Break me open Tear me down Into pieces Broken crumbs On the ground You can mould and shape me In your image Breathe your life You know I need it Scars make us stronger for life
Losing myself Gaining it back again Forging strength from weakness All that I am All that I'm meant to be Melting in your hand
Let the world swirl with naysayers Pickled hearts and sour faces What is real is what I cannot see
Chorus
Cut away All within me That won't bear fruit
Cut away All within me (x2)
Chorus
i'm seeking refuge...trying hard to find one. lost. i am trying to run away. i just trying to run away, throwing all responsibilities and worries and reality.
i've been reminded of my sad memories. crying alone at night, with no one to turn to. quietly. in the night. not to wake anyone. not to let anyone know that i'm crying. feeling unloved. neglect. and emptiness. alone. all alone. no one was a true friend. no one asked me out. no one would remember my presence. i am of no importance. even invisible. i float around eveyday like a nobody. when they went out, i was never being invited. i was never being the one to be asked. forgotten.
i was really grateful when people finally asked me. finally noticed me. finally realised my presence. i was really thankful. sometimes i nearly cried when i was asked. i can feel tears in my eyes.
i walked through that. alone. i understand people can never understand me. i should learn to understand people.
i guess, i have to start the journey alone again. if i am the reason for the pain. i shall leave.
i've read somewhere that i can be independent. i shall be.
what i need now, is not sympathy, not concern. i need someone to understand me. unspoken. sit quietly beside me. lend me a shoulder when i need. give me a hug when i feel unloved. i don't want to talk. some things have to be left unspoken.
unspoken. tacit. i am still seeking. for that someone.
On My Way Corrinne May
I’m far away from what I’ve known And there’s static on the radio Just a girl in a car on a lonely highway I’ve been up and down this winding road It’s getting dark, the stores are closed The map is wrinkled, my coffee’s turned to grey
But I’m on my way, I’m on my way There seems to be no end in sight But I know I’ll be alright ‘Cos I’m on my way, I’m on my way Sweet embrace, I’m on my way
So many beat-up cars on this dirt road I see them sputter and start to choke How many miles must I go till I rest in your grace I feel like giving up and letting go Let the world invade my mind, my soul Will this road make me, a sinner or a saint
But I’m on my way, I’m on my way There seems to be no end in sight But I know I’ll be alright ‘Cos I’m on my way, I’m on my way Don’t give up on me, I’m on my way
I can picture your smiling face Your arms stretched to hold me Waiting there by the gate If I ever get lost I know that you’ll find me There’s a cross on a hill saying “Do not be afraid.”
I’m on my way If I keep you in my sight I know I’ll be alright
i'm on my way.
Swallowtail 6:40:00 PM
Saturday, April 19, 2008
i haven't been myself for the past week. seriously, i get very emotional and really unable to control myself and keep those emotions in check. neither do i know why i would feel emotional. monday, i cried during pe. it was the first emotional breakdown. the results were a big impact to me. never have i cried for results besides the only 1 time in secondary school.
yet this was not the worse, friday was worrying. i feel that i'm having a nervous breakdown. i didn't know what made me that emotional and touchy. i wasn't feeling that well. all i wanted to do was to scream like nobody's business. and when i did, (at ronald. pretty apologetic to him) i was feeling faint. my legs and body were going soft. i seem to have drained all my strength away. my chest was feeling heavy. i was having breathing difficulties. it was really not my day. and i made my friends worried. really sorry to make all of you so worried. i think i should look for lionel someday. LOL.
anyway, ps camp just ended! we were looking for exco members. but slightly disappointed because unable to find the one with high potential for the post ccp. the camp was pretty cool, there were interesting games, a night walk, and we were playing bridge, dai dee and indian poker till 4+am. lol. overall it was not too bad, but just lack of sleep. feeling real tired. shall sleep soon.
signing off.
Swallowtail 9:26:00 PM
Friday, April 11, 2008
i know it's never easy to do this, to cope with failure. i never felt so disappointed ever in my life. never had i have the feeling that the failure is seriously wrong.
yet i'm experiencing it now. i don't understand why.
in the past, i'm able to cope with the failures and disappointment because i know what went wrong. what exactly went wrong and if it's my own fault, i take it. and i believe that i deserve the results. yet, this time...i really don't know what's wrong with me. i don't understand why i would deserve to get this result.
deep in my heart, i understand that it is the way of world, the way of life, but with the emotions surging and mixture of disbelief and anger, i'm unable to come to reconcilation. i cannot hide my disappointment and i'm barely keeping the emotions in control. i want to be strong, to take this really well, yet i'm unable to do so. never in my life, have i come across such strong emotions of failure. i had been able to keep my emotions well at bay in the past and accept the truth willingly. but i am weak now. i am waiting for a time for me to release all the pent up emotions. hopefully, after that, i'll be able to reconcile and accept the truth. and hopefully, to be a much stronger person than i used to be.
i guess, some people may say i am not contented at all...but this is human nature, isn't it? the higher the expectations, the harder you fall. this time, i have fallen real hard. if i'm not behaving in my usual manner, please pardon me. if i vent my anger on anyone, i am really sorry. i didn't mean it. please bear with me for this period of time, i'll try as hard as possible to be back to what i used to be....please try to be patient with me.
Swallowtail 7:12:00 PM
AUTObiography
vpotatochip
age: start of 19 date: 30th Oct
identity 1: L or Lin identity 2: student-NTU
identity 3: ex-student- ajc and plmgs
what i need to be a better person
1) patience
2) open mind
3) learn
4) my own identity (in the midst of finding)