Friday, February 26, 2010
irritable.feeling irritable recently. i flare up too many times this week. i can't help it.
because i get the old feeling back again. i'm there for disposal. you can use when i'm needed and throw when you don't need it. when you are in deep s*** (or shingz), then you come back for me. what am i? totally what am i?
when i mean it, you don't take me seriously. what is wrong? are you all so dense that you can't sense it? DARN YOU.
i am seriously pissed. and it just makes me disbelieve this thing, call f*****, again. i give. but i never feel appreciated. then why on earth should i give so much? why should i be so nice to others when others take me as a joke?
what am i totally? what did i do to make others do this to me? over and over again. time and time again. i hate this feeling totally. i hate it so much. i hate it when it comes backs to me over and over again in my life! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!
am i really that bad? am i really that impossible? am i such that i can't get anyone to like me? it's getting on my back and i can't get it off!
just what am i? =(
Swallowtail 8:46:00 PM
Monday, February 22, 2010
first once, i believe in this line totally.
i cannot make the whole world like me. there are bound to be people who dislike me. trying not to take it to heart. yet, it's quite difficult to do so. trauma needs time to dilute, dwindle, and eventually die away. i'm trying to let time do its own work and i may find it nothing at all.
i agree. i am stubborn in my own ways. (if you want to make it sound good, it's adhering to my principles. but i shall face it as stubborness.) it is and i can't seem to change it. because i am keeping myself as i am who i am. i shall not change just because someone dislikes me. i cannot compromise to EVERYONE isn't it? and i shall be i am who i am.
that's what i have been looking for, isn't it? my identity. exploring myself more and more and learning to accept myself gradually.
to find your identity is to learn to accept yourself.
who am i? (sounds like the old old old old jackie chan movie, eh?)
I AM ME!
Swallowtail 12:05:00 AM
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
escapei'm planning an escape.
an escape away from here.
from the imperfections in my life,
that's bugging me in my heart.
i want to live,
the way i want.
i want friends.
i want my life.
i want to laugh.
i want to cry.
i want to be angry.
all at my own will,
without having to wear a mask.
to this land may i be,
i'm escaping from this dry land,
to a land of honey and oats.
Swallowtail 11:26:00 PM
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
coward. stop being a coward.
trying to gain sympathy?
stop doing that.
face up to your flaws,
rather than do all the unnecessary!
reflect on your actions!
not avoiding your problems.
such a coward.
coward.
Swallowtail 7:51:00 PM
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
gloating.am i gloating? perhaps i am. we shall stop thus far.
trouble.what i want,
and what some wants,
and what some who do not want,
whether getting it or not,
always lead to trouble.
either here or there,
never ending trouble.
to be frank,
though i badly want it,
i'm glad i did not get it (at this moment),
looking how awry it can go.
i'm not sure whether i can handle it,
when it lands in my hands.
but when it comes,
i hope i know.
and i hope,
it does not lead to trouble though.
let me rephrase,
terrible trouble, i hope not so.
the four letter.
if you can guess,
the thing that leads to trouble,
in all mankind.
Swallowtail 12:13:00 AM