“Just like the butterfly,
I too
will awaken in my own time.”

Deborah Chaskin

Thursday, March 13, 2008
give myself a pat that i persevered on through the econs e lecture. *pat. it was hair-pulling-nail-biting-lip-hurting session. i spent 3 hours and 36 min on it. woah. copying and trying to recall certain terms. inflation and unemployment. well done vpotatochip! well done hwee lin!

i was looking through my past blog entries. the anxieties i had in the best seem so insignificant to be spoken at all. my worries of not having good experience in aj and having second thoughts in choosing aj. i guess, sometimes, i learnt not to regret at all. i remember in the past, when i was young, i tend to regret over a lot of decisions i made (not that they were very IMPORTANT decisions anyway). somehow, i got over this barrier, very gradually.

how i got over this barrier (recalling my life again):

• i learn to ponder carefully. sometimes, too carefully. from many experiences. i learn.

• i also try not to whine too much of my life. i think i really didn't whine much about my life. i seem to have accepted the way it is, trying hard to create excitement and make it fulfilling, no matter what circumstances i am in. i try my very best. as i recall.

• laughing
  
  that's what i really recall of my recent years. the thing that i do the most - laughing. i believe it helps. it makes life less tedious. more relaxed. even if it's not funny. laugh. or at least smile. or even try talking or singing to yourself. at least you don't feel that lonely. you don't feel so depressed about your life. it sort of brings in light, sunshine and optimistism in what you do. at least it motivates you to live on in your dull and mundane life. worries seem less worrying. and you learn to let go easier.
  
  don't you realise that people who laugh a lot seem less stressed up, happier, more carefree? i guess that's the key.

• i believe that it is a plan of where i have to go. i let it come naturally. adopting the attitude of c'est la vie. if it's where i am supposed to go, i shall go.

but what is worrying me now is that i may really regret this time, if i don't do well for A levels. the first time in my life, i do not feel the least bit of confidence in doing well. i'm afraid i'll disappoint people. i understand i reap what i sow. i understand hard work pays. but sometimes i feel torn apart by too many commitments. and these commitments sometimes just cover up my studies. responsibilities and expectations weigh so heavily on my shoulders, yet i do not have time to clear these commitments. it seem to pile up even before i finished them up. time is slipping through my hand, like sand, but never coming back. never ever.

MAIN AIM: good time management.

learn to turn down things that i cannot do. learn to say 'NO'. i'm trying now. =D

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