Friday, April 11, 2008
i know it's never easy to do this, to cope with failure. i never felt so disappointed ever in my life. never had i have the feeling that the failure is seriously wrong.
yet i'm experiencing it now.
i don't understand why.
in the past, i'm able to cope with the failures and disappointment because i know what went wrong. what exactly went wrong and if it's my own fault, i take it. and i believe that i deserve the results. yet, this time...i really don't know what's wrong with me. i don't understand why i would deserve to get this result.
deep in my heart, i understand that it is the way of world, the way of life, but with the emotions surging and mixture of disbelief and anger, i'm unable to come to reconcilation. i cannot hide my disappointment and i'm barely keeping the emotions in control. i want to be strong, to take this really well, yet i'm unable to do so. never in my life, have i come across such strong emotions of failure. i had been able to keep my emotions well at bay in the past and accept the truth willingly. but i am weak now. i am waiting for a time for me to release all the pent up emotions. hopefully, after that, i'll be able to reconcile and accept the truth. and hopefully, to be a much stronger person than i used to be.
i guess, some people may say i am not contented at all...but this is human nature, isn't it? the higher the expectations, the harder you fall. this time, i have fallen real hard. if i'm not behaving in my usual manner, please pardon me. if i vent my anger on anyone, i am really sorry. i didn't mean it. please bear with me for this period of time, i'll try as hard as possible to be back to what i used to be....please try to be patient with me.
Swallowtail 7:12:00 PM
