just 13 hours to the new year..... my new year resolution? still wondering...to be like a wild rose, beautiful and calm but willing to draw blood to its own defense. why not? Heidenroslein. Rosebud in the heather.
Swallowtail 10:59:00 AM
a new year approaching, i should have a new goal (plus a new blogskin). wonder what shall it be. i'm falling into a habit of staying in the same place over and over and over again. change it shall.
Swallowtail 3:58:00 PM
Your EQ is 127 |
 You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. On an average day, you're quite happy, together, and content. You live your life well. Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well. You tend to be motivated, energetic, focused, and level headed. You see the world pretty rationally, and you don't tend to over dramatize things. When things are bad, you know they eventually have to get better. |
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my eldest sister and congrats her on finally passing her driving test. =D LOL. today's a good day! donated blood at blood bank and receiving some news on a part time photography assistant job. LOL. good, we shall see....my emails paid off. HAHA. i am so thick skin.
Swallowtail 6:54:00 PM
for a moment, i forgot what i wanted to write. lol. and i'm still trying to remember...
christmas is coming and i'm rotting at home. to update some of the people, i am currently unemployed. i shall start advertising myself.
anyone who needs a photography assistant (temporary, a few months, i cannot commit myself to permanent), please email to vpotatochip@hotmail.com. and i am not experienced in such area, though i am in for photography for 2 years, especially in event photography.
lol. i was in fact asked to go for an interview for the job as an assistant photographer for event photography (school event some more!). i wouldn't have minded and probably go all for it if it wasn't a PERMANENT full-time job. would have loved it since it was what i have been doing for around 1 year? sadly, i let slip of the opportunity. and i went to recruit express the other day with shu fen (wanted to ask ying hui but she's not feeling all that well) to seek for jobs. saw aj people anyway. LOL. what a small world.
anyway, finally watched 海角七号. nice. it is such a common word to describe anything. fantastic! marvelous! wonderful! lol. it's just against my feelings. it is a kind of warmth that lingers when you watch it. little stories of people. the different lights of life and how people cope with their lives. everyone is different. just makes you see things from different perspectives. no doubt, there are parts of humour and comedy. like the "马拉桑"! LOL.
"可是我真的不差..."
Swallowtail 1:51:00 PM
my favourite band. MUAHAHA. >.< precise! LOL. to listen to them play of course. their stage presence is totally superb. can be super high. actually, i should put this on my other blog, the one msn space, because it's chinese. oh well, i still like them all the same! MAYDAY! haha.
going to watch 海角七号! finally. =D
Swallowtail 5:29:00 PM
free.
i am so darn free now that i can't stand it. just hope work hurry come to me. i can't be forever going out anyway. it just makes me feel that my life is in such a mess. seriously, i envy those who go out to work. it is really tiring to stay at home all day and stare at the ceiling. because i don't know when my work is coming in, i can't go look for other jobs either. this is irritating.
occupy.
i need something to occupy me or else i will get depressed more easily than ever. it's easy to identify from my recent posts. i start to think about funny stuff. better stop that. *SNAP* out of it.
anyway, just went to eliz's chalet the other day on 6th (but her birthday was on the 7th, yes, the same as another person and a lot of other persons), it was really fun to be around my friends again. joking around and them saying that i'm lamer than ever. LOL. never had a good laugh until then. something warm was flowing within and out of me then. i felt a lot better. probably because i felt that i am myself again and that people understands me. that's why they say secondary school friends are the lifetime friends. i guess it is true.
and lastly, anyone who wants to watch 海角七号, please tell me! i want to watch. if no one does, i'll go on to watch alone. LOL.
i'm really feeling better. loads. thanks for those who showed the concern. i appreciate it. =D
and i miss photography. miss it so much. should take more photos the next time i go out. but i'm just too shy. LOL.
Swallowtail 11:17:00 PM
analysing
myself recently. what i can do and what i cannot. what are my good points. the end result? i can't seem to find anything good about me. bad points just flow through my mind, but my good points seem to dwindle away, like little streams of water. my bad points appear to overpower my good points. i cannot do a lot of things compared to what i can do. and what can i do for my future?
sometimes i just hate my past so much that i don't even want to think about. regretting about a lot of things i did. because of it, i cannot make a single decision without hesitation. i'm not daring myself. a nagging voice is always behind me whenever i want to make a decision. so many things to consider sometimes that i find myself stagnant, standing always where i am when everyone's moving on.
i hate that feeling.
guilt whenever i go out. guilt guilt guilt. fear fear fear. what's there to fear about anyway? i am seriously not sure. i envy others. i know there's nothing to envy but...it's just inside me, within my heart.
i hate lying.
and i am not a good liar (not that it's good to lie). i hate the feeling of lying to people. i hate deceiving people. but the fear and guilt and everything just smack me to decision to lie. it felt so horrid. really horrid. i never liked lying from young. anyway, the truth always come out from my mouth. and sometimes, i just keep silent. that's not helping in any way either.
from hopeful to being depressed. that isn't supposed to go about. but it is going this way.
why do i always start tearing whenever i write a post?
Swallowtail 6:32:00 PM
