“Just like the butterfly,
I too
will awaken in my own time.”

Deborah Chaskin

Sunday, February 22, 2009
here.

when i post more often, it's not that i have lots to say, it's just emptiness i guess. i have no idea why i have such feelings but it just don't feel that good. really no good. in fact, i just feel bad.

i wanted to get out of here. just get out. just want to escape. but why? i don't understand myself at all. a mode to vent of these out. here. here. here.

keeping things to myself again. adding the skeleton to the numerous i have in my closet. wonder what will happen to me.

i really wonder.

Saturday, February 21, 2009
codes

i realised i speak in codes all the time on this blog. that just shows that i have secrets to hide. which is much very true.

yesterday someone just described me as "incomprehensible" (you know who you are). the following are the next few descriptions of me by her:

• i am an open book but the language may not be of what the person understands.
• i seem to be hiding my past.
• i have secrets to hide and choose not tell but i still try hard to keep myself an open book.

truly, i have secrets to hide just like everyone. but i seem to hide more skeletons in my closet than many others and i don't, probably, ever want anyone to know. this applies mainly to the emotions in me. so don't try to probe too much. what i want to tell, i will definitely tell. what i don't want you to know, don't push too hard. my mouth is sealed. =X

Friday, February 20, 2009
logic versus rashness

as the topic approaches, i always have the urge to say out, "why not let's try it..."yet, i'm stuck right there. it can never come out. my logic still overcomes the rashness. thank goodness.

omg, i must be really mad to think this way. there is something wrong with my mind. all thanks to the people surrounding me and that particular day. *smack*

hopefully the smack wakes me up.

yet,

it don't seem to work. darn it.

Thursday, February 19, 2009
disppoint.

disappointed myself. hope i will not do that again. ALL THE BEST! =D

Wednesday, February 18, 2009
life, still goes on.

work as usual.
tv as usual.
food as usual.
computer as usual.

anything out of usual? life, as usual.

Monday, February 09, 2009
080209

a shock it really came to me. it didn't dawned on me this would happen. i guess, none of us did. but she had left us to be in our Father's hands.

i was not exactly close to her, but she in my impression was a cheerful, unique girl. most unforgettable was her smile, that definitely cheer people up and no one could be angry any longer. she gave her very best in the things she did. she did. especially to the thai kids.

i started crying, because i thought she deserved better. i really did. and i still do. the truth starts to sink in when i saw...it really pained me, like how it pained many of us. how we regretted not contacting more...how we did.

but i know i need not cry, though it's unbearable. because she is in our Father's hand. safe and sound as i know our Father will protect her. the least, she no longer needs to feel the pain she went through in her rough period.

her smile still etched in me deeply. fondly in my memories.

Extract from the PL's musical song, "The Father's Hand"

"He knows your pain, He'll never let you go
He gently holds your precious soul
He lifts you high and in His love you'll stand
Because you're holding the Father's Hand"

Saturday, February 07, 2009
dislike

i really dislike, or even detest people who shoots out vulgarities (i mean the kind that are really insulting, i can accept the minor kind) like nothing. say it just once and i can still let it go, but don't use that word throughout the conversation! it just makes people around you uncomfortable and totally doubt your upbringing. it doesn't reflect very well on you in any way. seriously, especially if it's used on someone. even if you don't know that person, you will still feel quite bad for him or her (the person that someone is scolding), isn't it? probably it doesn't occur to everyone, but this emotion and feeling just rises in me. i just dislike that feeling. truly.

sincerely, i hope that i do not need to hear the beep sound everytime i walk pass people of my age. lol.

Friday, February 06, 2009
leftout

valentine's day coming soon, but (sadly) it doesn't involve me in one way or another. sad life, where such an interesting day has to be like a normal day. but have to remind me that i have to go for the ntu talk that day. -_-'

no choice, who ask meself to be left on the shelf. LOL. still waiting for someone to pick me off the shelf! sound as if i'm an item!

sometimes, you will find the wait tedious, really, and tiring. you will feel as if you would want to just stop. but somehow, you will still be holding to that hope.

let nature take its course. =D

Sunday, February 01, 2009

AUTObiography

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