“Just like the butterfly,
I too
will awaken in my own time.”

Deborah Chaskin

Saturday, May 30, 2009
cat. neko.

a cat sneaked into our house and into the small bedroom. (by the way, my home is on the 7th level). me and mummy were in the living room and we didn't even noticed it coming in. i recognized this cat, always lazing around downstairs. =X

anyway it gave me such a scare when it came out of the room that i spilled all the veggie gravy all over the wall and floor. what a klutz i am. plus i shouted so loudly that my mummy thought i fell down or something like that. thinking back, it was hilarious. next on, the cat just walked gracefully out of my room and the living room and squeezed out of our gate. oh my. how can it be so calm?

then later we heard shouts from our neighbour opposite us. suspected maybe the cat went over there after coming out from our house. LOL. oh yah, by the way, it was a orange and white striped cat. LOL.

hilarious incident.

tears.

and today. just felt too emotional. over minor things, i have to cry for at least 15 to 20 minutes. just felt forgotten, totally not loved. no matter how many times from the past have i convinced myself i am loved and that i should not be affected amd be content, it still comes back to me. past experiences and flashbacks. it just hurts. really badly.

no matter how much i have given and contributed, it just doesn't come out right. just felt that the payoff is not enough. i am not remembered. i am only remembered when people need help from me. or when i am of any use to them.

i know all these are transient, yet i'm human. afterall.

i didn't say it out, doesn't mean that i am not disappointed. i didn't say it doesn't mean that i don't feel the pain. i didn't say it out, it doesn't mean that i don't need someone to understand me.

it is just difficult to say it out loud. though it's bursting to come out.

plus if i say it out, would anyone believe? would anyone understand? would anyone comfort me?

most people would just think that i am annoying, attention-seeking and immature. why would anyone think much of it?

when i needed someone to talk to, i don't know who to turn to. hey, it's not like when you say, "hey! you can come talk to me!" that simple. you may be willing to listen but you may not be the right person and i'm not willing to tell you. and when it's those kind of times, i hope these people will stop bugging me.

and all the more, i hate it when people won't stop bugging me to help all the time. many times i am annoyed, when someone ask for help consistently, never understanding or asking if i am available or willing to do so. they just thrust it right in my face and expect me to help, regardless whether i am free or not. i am not to be taken for granted. i am not obliged to compromise. please understand that. you have your problems, i have mine too. and don't give me reasons that make me feel stupid and feel like puking. i am pissed. really pissed. exaggerated 'thank you's don't work on me.

deep in me. i never said that in anyone's face because i didn't want to hurt the person. but, i feel it's the last straw. you should try to learn and do your work yourself. really. stop being so dependent on anybody.

well, i shall stop all these ranting.

not sure why, but i am seriously pissed and emotional. today. hopefully. tomorrow will be a better day.

Thursday, May 28, 2009
sick.

how timely. when the influenza A H1N1 is spreading and becoming a pandemic. i think whenever i cough, people would think that i have the flu. i've been trying very hard to keep my cough and sneeze down. LOL. and i went to the doctor and realised i have sinus. wow. after such a long time, finally know what's wrong with me.

interview.

anyway, had an interview the other day. received the results: rejected. well, didn't take it too hard. probably i have less expectations of myself. just glad i can get into university.

holiday.


finally, for one month. because of the JUNE HOLIDAYS! so happy. but it also means i lost the most amount of income (though it is only around $400 to $500 ++).

now for some photos.....lol. it's been such a long time since i took some photos.

we celebrated with shu fen her 19th birthday at fish and co. the glass house, with her nemo balloon on 8th may. below are 2 photos. lazy upload. the 2nd is me with the nemo and marlyn balloon. LOL.

this is me with the AJ 25th anniversary bear. we are both in AJ PE tee. LOL. first time i'm taking this type of photo. i look so funny. LOL. but the bear is cute. HAHAH. (i should be cute too!)

Thursday, May 07, 2009
slogans

looking at the slogans of schools today, i can't help but to question, "do these slogans really help in building the school, developing the students?"

to be frank, i feel that having all these glamorous words sometimes don't seem to work effectively at all. the spirit, the character of students are not built up by just those words and constant reminders of those slogans, but rather by the teachers and environment itself.

looking back at the past, the spirit of PL left me with deep impression, not because of all the slogans and words, but rather the people. great things sometimes do not need words to explain. it just happens like a small explosion in you. or rather like a seed in you, growing slowly, and into a bud and blossoming within you. just like the character of a person and spirit of a school.

to me, the slogans are of no specific use, probably just to look good to outsiders. so, rather than thinking of showy slogans, why not think about how to build up the spirit, the character, through activities and everyday life instead. it impacts on students greater than words. the students may not even understand the bombastic words, much less being impacted by them. moreover, they may even be bored by the repetition of the slogans. simple actions work better than words.

act rather than talk. walk the talk.

i believe is what the schools should do now.

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