Saturday, May 30, 2009
cat. neko.a cat sneaked into our house and into the small bedroom. (by the way, my home is on the 7th level). me and mummy were in the living room and we didn't even noticed it coming in. i recognized this cat, always lazing around downstairs. =X
anyway it gave me such a scare when it came out of the room that i spilled all the veggie gravy all over the wall and floor. what a klutz i am. plus i shouted so loudly that my mummy thought i fell down or something like that. thinking back, it was hilarious. next on, the cat just walked gracefully out of my room and the living room and squeezed out of our gate. oh my. how can it be so calm?
then later we heard shouts from our neighbour opposite us. suspected maybe the cat went over there after coming out from our house. LOL. oh yah, by the way, it was a orange and white striped cat. LOL.
hilarious incident.
tears.and today. just felt too emotional. over minor things, i have to cry for at least 15 to 20 minutes. just felt forgotten, totally not loved. no matter how many times from the past have i convinced myself i am loved and that i should not be affected amd be content, it still comes back to me. past experiences and flashbacks. it just hurts. really badly.
no matter how much i have given and contributed, it just doesn't come out right. just felt that the payoff is not enough. i am not remembered. i am only remembered when people need help from me. or when i am of any use to them.
i know all these are transient, yet i'm human. afterall.
i didn't say it out, doesn't mean that i am not disappointed. i didn't say it doesn't mean that i don't feel the pain. i didn't say it out, it doesn't mean that i don't need someone to understand me.
it is just difficult to say it out loud. though it's bursting to come out.
plus if i say it out, would anyone believe? would anyone understand? would anyone comfort me?
most people would just think that i am annoying, attention-seeking and immature. why would anyone think much of it?
when i needed someone to talk to, i don't know who to turn to. hey, it's not like when you say, "hey! you can come talk to me!" that simple. you may be willing to listen but you may not be the right person and i'm not willing to tell you. and when it's those kind of times, i hope these people will stop bugging me.
and all the more, i hate it when people won't stop bugging me to help all the time. many times i am annoyed, when someone ask for help consistently, never understanding or asking if i am available or willing to do so. they just thrust it right in my face and expect me to help, regardless whether i am free or not. i am not to be taken for granted. i am not obliged to compromise. please understand that. you have your problems, i have mine too. and don't give me reasons that make me feel stupid and feel like puking. i am pissed. really pissed. exaggerated 'thank you's don't work on me.
deep in me. i never said that in anyone's face because i didn't want to hurt the person. but, i feel it's the last straw. you should try to learn and do your work yourself. really. stop being so dependent on anybody.
well, i shall stop all these ranting.
not sure why, but i am seriously pissed and emotional. today. hopefully. tomorrow will be a better day.
Swallowtail 4:28:00 PM
