Tuesday, October 27, 2009
unplugged.i am seriously disturbed by what someone told me, about myself. my mind in a swirl. it's like a stone stuck in my chest, or rather a choked up pipe. actually it's nothing big, and it's been sort of resolved but i just can't get over it. somehow. and i need to know why am i feeling this way. really disturbed by it. that's why i'm still up, thinking about it for so long.
it's that feeling when you know you are in the wrong yet you are looking for answers to justify that you are right? i'm feeling that way now. something similar happened to me about a year plus ago? that same feeling. pretty much horrible. and eventually i got over with it because i managed to convince myself that i'm right (and i don't even know if that's a good or bad thing). that stubborness and the reluctance to admit that you are wrong. i admit that it's hard to say you are wrong. it's really freakingly hard. but i did admit it. but still that feeling isn't away. i'm still trying to come to reconcilation with myself.
reflections. where has all the reflections gone to? the truth is, i know the reason why i behave this way, it's just that i can't say it straight in the person's face right? i bet he'll laugh like crazy. the reason is just too embarrassing to say out. LOL. it's difficult that's all. (the reason is because i'm shy? what kind of freaking reason is that anyway...LOL.) i know i shouldn't behave in that way but i can't control. that's all. YES. i found the reason. it's a misunderstanding and a wrong use of words and body language. in fact i sensed it pretty much from the start, just that i brushed the incidents off. Leave it dangling.
BOOMz. ha. now that i found the core of the problem, i am truly unplugged. the choked up pipe is gone. i can breathe freely. i nearly burst. like a balloon. it's time to use back my old outlet - you know, blog. LOL.
breathe freely.
Swallowtail 12:19:00 AM
